..and let everyone else deal with it. Not every person you meet in life, who is in your life - whether by choice or by design - needs to like you. Not everyone's opinion, likes and dislikes or presence needs to get to you.
As I key this in, I realize how very difficult it is becoming for me, as Ni, to do this. I fear I have not been true to myself. I have let practically everyone I have in my life since the last six-seven years steer my life in the direction they have wanted it to go. And today, here I am, stunned by the realization that the me I was and the (almost) destructive, self-loathing person I have become because I feel I fail to measure up to everyone's expectations of me, are so very different. This person I have become has given up standing for what I believe in, has given up bringing a well-thought debate to the table, is well on her way to being an insipid clone of the boisterous, opinionated, self-assured, aggressive force I used to be. When I look back at 2006, I see someone who was all this...who could cause anyone to wish they were elsewhere with just one look, who was called upon for her direct and honest opinion and advice on anything and everything. When I see what I am today, I see someone without drive, someone who's happily laidback, someone who's become a master procrastinator, someone who's good at making excuses as I have been recently told... In short, I see someone I didn't ever think I wanted to be. I see someone I am not happy being. It is now time to reinvent myself, in a way.
As I key this in, I realize how very difficult it is becoming for me, as Ni, to do this. I fear I have not been true to myself. I have let practically everyone I have in my life since the last six-seven years steer my life in the direction they have wanted it to go. And today, here I am, stunned by the realization that the me I was and the (almost) destructive, self-loathing person I have become because I feel I fail to measure up to everyone's expectations of me, are so very different. This person I have become has given up standing for what I believe in, has given up bringing a well-thought debate to the table, is well on her way to being an insipid clone of the boisterous, opinionated, self-assured, aggressive force I used to be. When I look back at 2006, I see someone who was all this...who could cause anyone to wish they were elsewhere with just one look, who was called upon for her direct and honest opinion and advice on anything and everything. When I see what I am today, I see someone without drive, someone who's happily laidback, someone who's become a master procrastinator, someone who's good at making excuses as I have been recently told... In short, I see someone I didn't ever think I wanted to be. I see someone I am not happy being. It is now time to reinvent myself, in a way.
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